The BPI has succeeded in its fight to prevent Hong Kong-based retailer from selling cut-price CDs to punters in the UK. Ah, it warms the old heart cockles and no mistake…

This is one of those great stories where everyone is a winner – so long as by everyone you mean the poor, downtrodden, hand to mouth living, music publishers and record companies we have in the UK - and not the young –e-upstart CDWow, or its many customers.

CDWow was at fault for, or was accused of, illegally importing cut-price CDs from Hong Kong and selling them to people like me, or you. Well, maybe not you, you look like you listen to crystal radio sets. Either way, the British music industry's attack dog – the BPI  - has been gnawing at its legs for six years – and finally has drawn blood.

Thanks to a High Court judgement CDWow will have to pay some £37m to the BPI which in turn will dish it out to record company execs, who will probably give it to charity or something. In announcing its victory some great quotes have floated out from the BPI, like this one. "CDWow is no consumer champion…"

Well, I have to say that it has done alright by me. Used to anyway.

Apparently cinema ushers in Malaysia are creeping around the place wearing night vision goggles. 

Can you imagine how scary that would have been if you were watching 'that scene' in Silence of the Lambs? It would be like being plunged into predatory pervert-a-vision - and worse yet, without expecting it. 

The reason for this creepy attire isn't just to see who has their hand in their neighbours' popcorn, but is apparently part of a plan to stamp out cinema piracy. Said ushers are creeping about the sticky, popcorn strewed aisles in the hope of spotting someone using a hand-held video recorder or mobile phone to pirate films – a mobile phone!? To pirate a film? Good luck! 

But, why are they bothering? The last time I went to the cinema I was exposed to three very large women who were all eating from bags of crisps and talking constantly. It was like sitting behind the judging panel at the 'ball up tin foil and tear up cardboard' finals 2007. If you had wanted to pirate the film we were watching you would have been wasting your time – unless you were making a film for mastication fetishists. 

I am yet to see a watchable 'camera in the aisle' film anyway. It seems to me that the pirate DVDs to watch out for, ie the good ones, are the ones ripped from screener copies or leaked - or lost - by someone working for the film production company. If you have to watch pirated films, then these are at least tolerable - even with the absurd subtitles. The over the shoulder camera holder ones are not. 

So please, film companies, get your own lives in order and stop sneaking around hassling cinema goers. Much of what can be called the "piracy problem" is internal to you, it's not in screen six of the Malaysian multiplex.

A British climber has set a world record by making a mobile phone call from the top of Mount Everest.  In the early hours of 21 May, Rod Baber made two calls from the mountain's north ridge. The first to an unknown, (I am guessing that it was a mini cab firm) and the second to his wife and kids.

In the first call he complained about the cold, and how much he was looking forward to going back to base station – real adrenaline fuelled stuff! What did he say in the call to the family…?   

"I've made it.. let's get married again!" 

"Next year, Tenerife?"

"Need help. Angry snow tigers…."

Or, 

"I think I left the iron on…."? 

We will probably never know, but one thing is for sure he could have at least pretended to be on 'Who wants to be a millionaire'.

I love 419 and other scam emails, probably because I am unlikely to fall for them. 

I have no worries in the length department – well, at least I have nothing to compare my own against, so I am able to ignore most of the herbal treats that come my way. 

When it comes to the money offers, I know I don’t earn oodles of cash but I can always afford to eat (porridge and ramen noodles). So I am not that bothered about countless millions being deposited in my account. 

Nevermind the fact that most of the mails are woefully bad. This morning's choice mail comes from Mr ignatius Account Officer, Capital Trust Bank – which is a strange name indeed. Mr Account Officer has a certified international bank draft for me worth $1,200,000.00, which he says he cashable everywhere in the world. 

CASHABLE?! I will have that in fivers, please… 

Not really, I don't have a briefcase large enough to drag that out of the bank. So instead I will offer it to you, dear readers. 

You can mail Mr Officer at ignatius_uju@myway.com if you want to get involved. As he says, "Please I will like you to accept this tokenwith good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart." 

In the meantime I really hope that no spam spiders get hold of the address and clog his mailbox up. I would hate to think that he couldn't get the responses from people that he was looking for.

Well, that is what we think it is anyway.. 
what is this mysterious youtube clip, and why is it tagged "IT WEEK"?

If these are some of our international colleagues I demand a meeting with them.
And soon.

preferably after they stop the St Vitus dancing though..

Here I am, back after a rather long, rather boring, siesta. 

During my stay in the sanitorium I intended to spend a lot of time watching Joost, the online TV thing that people are clamouring over each other to get an invite to. So, i did what anyone else in my position would do.

No, not call my friends - they can't even get an invite to appear in court. In fact I sent an email (full of pleading and begging) to the PR company involved, and, a couple of days later, I had access. 

Unfortunately, my laptop didn't want to play, choosing instead to be incapable of running the necessary software.

Which is more or less the story of my life.

But, fear not reader, my work PC is more than up to the task so I shall make it my mission to spend as much time as possible sitting in the office at my desk, watching telly, now that I am back in almost full employment. It is a small sacrifice for me, and it is all in the name of research. 

Kinda.